Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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