I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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