Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
