worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
