The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
