so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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