my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
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I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize