I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
