my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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