Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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