Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
