why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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