Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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