I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
