As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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