I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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