Pappa wants mamma naked
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
