yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
