1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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