I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
