My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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