don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
