cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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