ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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