and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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