drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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