What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
