You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
