I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
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Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
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You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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