well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
