I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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