Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
