I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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