her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
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I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
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In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
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