i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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