dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
