i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
