I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
the day after is always just damage control
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
