why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize