Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
