why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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