This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My breasts were aching with rage.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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