Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
