wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
