The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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