ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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