so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
