I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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