Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
