You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
