Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
