I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he fucked my hip out of place.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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