HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
