normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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