i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
