Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She told me I should be a condom model.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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