They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
