bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
