If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I looked at my own cervix.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
