Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
