I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
