guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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