Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize