So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize
